


Don't Quote Me

by Lady_Nightshade



Series: Just Another Day in the Tower [18]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Choose Your Own Ending, Competition, Fluff, Gen, Not Serious, friendly snark, movie quotes, tv show quotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 23:04:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3914011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Nightshade/pseuds/Lady_Nightshade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s no secret that Darcy likes movies.  It’s also no secret that Tony does too.  It’s really not a normal day in the tower without at least one movie reference being made somewhere by at least one of them.  So it was really only a matter of time before their little unspoken battle of the movie quotes and references began.  There were no spoken rules, no taunts, no battle cries.  There were just quotes.  Lots and lots of quotes.  First one to stump the other won.  The two of them were pretty evenly matched- even the spies wondered who would come out on top.  These are a few of their exchanges.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve thrown every movie reference I could stand to fit in here. Yes, there are always more to use, but I'm tired of writing! I used a selection of the ones I’ve seen and in my collection and a few that I haven’t seen. I've included a list of them at the end of each chapter figuring it'd be easier to refer to in case you were curious what the characters are talking about. I counted the other night and stopped counting after 70... That's a lot. So I want no complaints about how I missed your favorite movie! None I say! Shhhhhhh! It's totally possible that they did in fact quote your fav movie or tv show and I just didn't show it- after all, these are just a FEW of their exchanges.
> 
> No beta bc again, that's how I roll... and I don't own them at all. Or the quotes! Goodness I'd be rich if I did.

It’s no secret that Darcy likes movies. It’s also no secret that Tony does too. It’s really not a normal day in the tower without at least one movie reference being made somewhere by at least one of them.  So it was really only a matter of time before their little unspoken battle of the movie quotes and references began. There were no spoken rules, no taunts, no battle cries.  There were just quotes.  Lots and lots of quotes. First one to stump the other won. The two of them were pretty evenly matched- even the spies wondered who would come out on top. These are a few of their exchanges.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the quotes begin!

Darcy had to shout over the roar of his music. “Hey Tony!”

Tony looked up, and eyed her tiara. “Yes, _Princess_?” Why question it? It was Darcy and while it wasn’t exactly expected, it wasn’t all that surprising either.  Some days she was shabby chic in her beanie and others she wore a crown.  She could be a pretty pretty princess if she wanted to be.  He didn’t judge.

“Pepper needs these signed.”

“As you wish,” he said with a sigh as he signaled to Jarvis to turn down the music and grabbed the nearest of the many stylus pens he had lying around from a nearby workbench.

Darcy rolled her eyes. “You’re hardly a farm boy.”

Tony shrugged.  “I _was_ kidnapped.”

“But not by pirates- and it wasn’t good. And you don’t have any R.O.U.S.’s. Which _is_ good.”

Tony raised a brow at her.  “We’re in New York, peaches- where do you think the Rodents of Unusual Size come from?”

Darcy opened her mouth to reply but stopped herself and shrugged.  “Good point.”

“And to answer the pirate thing, no they were most certainly _not_ pirates and it _definitely_ _wasn’t_ good. But the love of my life _is_ a tall willowy woman who’d gladly shove me down a hill if I pissed her off.”

Darcy nodded. “Ha, you’re right. All you’re missing is a couple of shrieking eels.”

Coming over to her, Tony signed the Starkpad in Darcy’s hands.  “They’re in the pool.”

“This place has a _pool_!?”

Tony chuckled at her.  “Of course we have a pool.  Just don’t go swimming alone at night- that’s when they’re the hungriest.”

Darcy rolled her eyes “ _Yeah_ , _yeah_.” Darcy looked up at the ceiling as she tucked the tablet under her arm. “Hey Jarvis, show me where the pool is later, okay?” 

“Of course, Darcy.” Jarvis responded. “But promise me that if you hear the eels, you’ll vacate the pool as quickly as possible.  They always grow louder when they’re about to feed on human flesh.”

*

The attackers on the tower were… grasshoppers (or were they locusts? Darcy didn’t really care- they were green, bug shaped, and acted like they never missed leg day at the gym) being mind controlled with little tiny metal helmets with antennas and beeping flashing red lights on them. Like, seriously? This was an actual thing? She’d thought mind control flashing red lights was only something you’d see in a Tim Burton movie. 

Darcy and Jane were in the communal kitchen when the ‘attack’ (infestation?) happened.  When the alarm first went off both of the women had tried to head to the panic room but had been blocked by the insects as they hopped down the hall like some sort of green flood sweeping toward them.  They’d run back into the kitchen and had armed themselves instead.

Darcy threw Jane the fly swatter and the can of bug spray from under the sink before grabbing a frying pan from the drying rack for herself.  Initially the bugs had been rather terrifying- _one_ grasshopper is one thing, but a whole biblical _plague_ of them is another.  But as the attack wore on and the girls realized the only thing the insects did was swarm, they’d felt less afraid and more grossed out.  Seriously, _ew_.

“Who goes through all the trouble to actually create a bunch of tiny mind control helmets and then outfit a bunch of _bugs_ with them?  It’s like a _plague_!  Who’s attacking? _Charlton Heston_?” Jane panted.

“Charlton Heston was never this _lame_!” Darcy answered as she plowed through an incoming wave of insects. 

“Miss,” Jarvis interrupted.  “Sir has asked me to pass the message of ‘tell Merrill to swing away.’”

Darcy glanced at the nearest camera in the ceiling in disbelief.  “ _Seriously_?  Annoying, lame, insects are attacking in a plague and he goes for the Shyamalan reference?”

“It would appear so.  However, the advice _is_ sound,” her Soulmate responded.

Darcy rolled her eyes, “Ask him if there’s a bad color I shouldn’t be wearing either or if I need to stare them all in the eyes,” she said as she did indeed swing away home.

The whole incident took less than 20 minutes. Tony came running into the kitchen with a rolled up newspaper just as Jarvis sounded the all clear. Spotting Darcy’s choice of weapons, he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Frying pans,” Darcy said with a nod.

“Who knew?” Tony replied. 

“That cubby hobbit from the first movie,” Bucky said, looking at his boot while trying to wipe crushed bug from it in the doorway.

“And me.” Everyone stopped and turned to look at Clint who was now making his way toward the fridge for a beer (who cares that it was still early- he’d just survived a plague).  Clint acted like he hadn’t just said anything weird and shrugged. “Caracas, 1998." 

Everyone sighed.  They were still trying to figure out what had happened in Budapest.

“Where’d they all go, anyway?” Jane asked as she surveyed the dead.  It had seemed like there were a lot more of them than this.  One minute their ears had been filled with the buzz of insects, the next there’d been nearly none.  The bug spray she had said guaranteed to kill on the label but it couldn’t be THAT good. If it was, she needed to buy stock.

“They come, they eat, they leave,” Darcy muttered.

Tony rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Loki turned into a giant blue frog and they all hopped away.”  It’s not that Loki was helping the Avengers or anything… he just didn’t like jumping bugs (even if they _were_ green).

Jane’s head snapped up so quickly that Darcy made a mental note to ask the scientist if she had whiplash.  Later.  “… _Seriously_?”

“Aaaaaaaaand _that’s_ my strange quota for the day.  I’m going back to bed.” Darcy turned on her heel and began to walk out, insects crunching as she went.

Tony actually looked crestfallen. “But what about second breakfast, precious?”

“Jarvis?” Darcy didn’t even bother to turn around as she reached the door (if she had, she would have seen Bucky smirk and toss Tony an apple).  

“Sir, Miss Lewis does not usually engage in second breakfast, however, she will see you for elevensies or possibly afternoon tea.”

*

Darcy walked into the shared living room to catch Thor’s enthusiastic remarks about the show American Ninja Warrior. Apparently Tony had thought he’d enjoy it and had had Jarvis play it for the Norse god.  Thor was now a little obsessed and had even begun watching seasons of American Gladiators.   He was so excited he looked like he might be rallying the troops to war.

“Easy there, Spartacus,” Darcy said as she took a seat, grabbing some chips from a bowl on the table.

Thor smiled at her.  “Who is this Spartacus you speak of?”

Suddenly Tony stood up.  “ _I_ am-”

Darcy groaned, “God, don’t say it.”

Tony stared at her in shocked horror that she’d purposely pass up such an opportunity.  “Oh come _on_!” he said as he made mad hand gestures at Thor.

Darcy shook her head emphatically. “No.”  This one was just too easy- like making ‘givin’ ‘er all she’s got’ jokes at Steve when he was in his Captain America outfit.

Tony stopped.  Desperate times called for desperate measures. “ _Please_?”

Darcy cringed.  He was pulling the sad eyes on her.  He’d been spending too much time with Thor.  “ _Fiiiiiine_. Say it.”

Tony straightened up.  “ _I_ am Spartacus!” he proclaimed.

Darcy shook her head, trying not to laugh. “Happy?”

“Not yet.”

Sam stood up next and in a loud voice shouted, “ _I_ am Spartacus!”

Both Steve and Bucky came into the living room with bowls of ice cream and echoed Sam.  “ _I_ am Spartacus!”

“ _I_ am Spartacus!” Clint shouted from the ceiling.

Thor looked at all of them and then the ceiling with a confused expression before turning to Darcy for help.

“It’s ok, big guy. You missed one of the movie nights when you were off world.  I’ll add it to your list.”

Tony gave Darcy a smug grin.  “ _Now_ I’m happy.”

*

Darcy was currently standing in Tony’s lab as the fire alarm was going off and the sprinklers rained down on her. Luckily she kept an umbrella outside of each of the labs just in case an explosion (and let’s be real- there was one at least every other week) set off the sprinklers.  To say that Tony and Clint’s prank war had gotten out of hand was like saying Captain America had just taken a _little_ _nap_ \- it was an understatement so perverse in its understatedness that the Winchesters would be crossing themselves and shivering.  But she could handle this.  So what if a full parade float of a dragon had somehow been fully reconstructed in Tony’s garage lab?  So what if all of Clint’s arrows had somehow been imbedded into acrylic and were now on display in large ice cube like blocks all over the place (there was an igloo in the corner- that might have been her doing though… but you’d need photographic evidence to prove it- of which there was none because Jarvis was the best soulmate evar and a total bro).  So what if DUM-E had been painted white with black polka dots?  So what if Clint’s skin was now somehow stained bright day glow orange? So what if Tony was-

Dum-E suddenly sprayed her with a fire extinguisher. That was the last straw.

Darcy wrenched the extinguisher from the bot (they’d stopped refilling his own supply of fire retardant months ago so now the bot lifted extinguishers from around the tower) before turning on the two men. “Alright!” Darcy shouted, stopping Tony and Clint (who were now throwing water balloons full of paint and glitter at each other) dead in their tracks, arms still raised to throw. “ _That’s it_!”  She stormed forward, dumping a bucket of water on them to wash them off before disarming them and plopping the balloons into the now empty bucket.  She pointed at them.  “ _Dishonor_! Dishonor on _you_!” Her fingers pointed at Dum-E next, “Dishonor on your _cow_!”

Tony smirked.  “Gonna punish us, Lewis? What’s it to be, father, hot oil, or the rack?”

Darcy didn’t skip a beat.  “I’ll simply deny you the crown and live forever!” Even pissed she could still out quote him and was determined to do so- now more than ever.  “Now shut up and hit the showers!  Both of you!”

When they began to protest, Darcy picked up a screwdriver from the near by table and threatened them with it. “ _Don’t fuck with the babysitter_ ,” she all but hissed.

Both men decided it was a good idea to listen to her. Shaking hands they each turned to go back upstairs. “Adventures in Babysitting is a horrible movie!” Tony called over to her as they stepped into the elevator.

“Shut up, Stark! It’s an American classic! And I don’t want to hear that from the man who just quoted Ever After!  And take off your shoes, Charlie!  You’re leaving a trail of pink and green glitter footprints!” she shouted back just as the doors closed shut.  “Looks like a couple of rainbow unicorn fairies came through…” she muttered. Darcy let out a huff after the elevator left.  “Jarvis?” she asked, sounding suddenly weary. 

“Yes, Darcy?”

“Add water balloons and glitter to the no buy watch list for Tony’s credit card, please.”  Some people were on a no fly list.  Tony Stark had a no buy list.  Jarvis would automatically cancel all payment attempts for anything on the list. All of QVC was blocked (48+ hour science benders and the home shopping network do not mix. They now had a room full of those vibrating chairs that everyone on the team hated.  “… _I hate it_ …” Darcy borrowed Emma Stone’s lines when she’d been surprised at how strongly she disliked the chair she was sitting in.) The list was starting to get long.

“Of course,” the AI soothed.  “Might I suggest giving DUM-E the hose?  He can wash the remaining paint on the walls down the drain while the other bots begin cleaning the floors.” 

Darcy huffed out a laugh. “Then what am _I_ gonna do?” she asked sarcastically.

“Have dinner with me,” Jarvis said matter of factly.

The elevator made the TARDIS materialization parking break noise before the doors opened, revealing Happy with a bag of take out as if on cue.  “Delivery!” Happy smiled as he stepped out.  Looking around he whistled at the mess.  “Woah, the boss went all out this time, didn’t he?” 

Darcy rolled her eyes.  “You have no idea.”  Eyeing the take out she looked at him.  “I didn’t order that.”

“Jarvis did,” he smiled as he handed her the bag. “Enjoy,” was all Happy said as he turned around and went back upstairs.

Darcy sighed and looked down at the bag in her hands. “Sure, J.  I’d love to have dinner with you.  Thank you.” Setting the food on a mostly empty and relatively paint and glitter free workbench, Darcy got the hose for DUM-E (but not before making sure he understood that it was for the walls and floor only- not her) before having a seat.

*

“Come on Lewis!  I triple dog dare you!”

Darcy stared at him.  How dumb did he think she was?  “Seriously? I’m not 8, Tony.”

Darcy, Loki, and Tony were in the lab while Tony studied Loki’s freezing capabilities.  When Darcy had asked why, Jarvis had simply plastered images of every ice powered super hero and bad guy from both reality and fiction all over the screens before playing Snow Miser’s theme song from that Christmas movie with the creepy animated puppets about Santa quitting Christmas. Tony seriously wanted to make a freeze ray… of _course_ Tony wanted to make a freeze ray.  Darcy agreed with the song- sometimes he was just too much. 

Loki had frozen some metal at Tony’s request and was currently keeping it frozen. Tony was now trying to get Darcy to stick her tongue on it.  Why? Because, Tony Stark.

“Oh come on!  You’re killin’ me, Smalls!”

“Why should I, Ham?”

“I’ll give you 50 bucks to lick it.”

Darcy rolled her eyes.  Loki was looking less than amused.  Darcy made eye contact with him and gave him a look that said ‘keep me from getting stuck and I’ll split the winnings with you.’ Loki raised a single brow with a slight smirk. 

Darcy made a show of considering Tony’s offer. “That’s a whole lot of Klondike Bars, Stark.  But make it $100.”

Tony pulled out two 50’s from his wallet and handed them to Loki. “You can be bank, reindeer games.”

Loki took the money while he rolled his eyes. You invade the planet while ‘mind wammied’ (as Darcy put it) in a horned helmet _one_ _time_ and they never let it go.

Loki turned his back to Tony as he handed Darcy the frozen metal with a wink signaling he’d keep her from getting stuck (though Thor only knows how).  With a dramatic sigh Darcy stuck her tongue to the metal.  And then removed it without issue.  “Happy?”

“ _What_? Why didn’t you get stuck?!” Tony asked in shock.

Darcy shrugged.  “Maybe Loki’s space freezing is different from our earth freezing,” she said, handing him the still frozen metal.  Loki handed her the money before they both turned and began to exit.  “Weeeeelp, see you later Tony.”  Jarvis slid the doors shut behind them as they left.

Neither watched as Tony stared after them with a confused expression before considering the piece of metal in his hands. With a shrug Tony stuck his tongue to it.  And got stuck.

Loki accepted the $50 bill that Darcy held out to him. “Tell me, Jarvis,” Loki said once they were down the hall, “that you are recording Stark getting himself stuck.”

“A copy is being saved as we speak.”

Loki laughed.  “Excellent.”

Darcy shook her head.  “He should have known the cardinal rule.”

Loki looked at her.  “Which is?”

“Never bet with a Scicilian.”

Suddenly a sound clip of Vizzini’s crazed laughter filled the hall. 

“Thank you Jarvis.”

“My pleasure, Miss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the quotes list:  
> The Princess Bride
> 
> Tim Burton reference was about Batman Returns, The Ten Commandments reference, Signs, The Village reference, Lady in the Water reference, Tangled, The Lord of the Rings (Fellowship), A Bug’s Life, more LOTR Fellowship
> 
> Spartacus, Star Trek reference 
> 
> Mulan, Ever After, Adventures in Babysitting, mentions of Charlie the Unicorn (not a movie, but still), mentions of Crazy, Stupid Love
> 
> A Christmas story, The Sand Lot, Klondike bar commercial reference, The Princess Bride Again


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The quotes continue

“Iron Man!” Steve shouted over the coms. “Jane and Pepper managed to get out but Darcy is pinned down on 3rd!”

“On it, Cap!” Tony replied as he flew the suit down several blocks. “Jarvis, patch me into Darcy.” Tony asked over the coms, knowing Darcy was wearing the special earing coms he’d made for her to communicate with Jarvis.  “Darcy, where are you?” Tony felt anxiety beginning to rise in his stomach when she didn’t answer. “Darcy!”  Spotting several downed henchmen, Tony landed, weapons armed and blazing.

Darcy’s head popped up from behind an overturned car. “Cool your jets Ender, I’m fine,” she said around a mouth full of pretzel.

“What are you even doing here, Lewis? Don’t you know this is the danger zone?”

Darcy rolled her eyes.  “20 minutes ago it was the Coffee Zone, Sterling Archer,” she said, grabbing the broken pieces of her tazer. 

“That’s not a real place.  And I am totally Kenny Loggins…” 

Darcy pointed behind her at what was left of a storefront.  The sign above the door read ‘Coffee Zone’. 

“Huh.  Well, what do you know.” 

“I know that you’re _definitely_ Archer and _not_ Loggins… And I _also_ know that this douche-wad broke my tazer!” She said, kicking the still twitching goon in the shin for good measure.  Tony’s tazers were designed a little differently and gave quite the kick.

Tony shook his head.  “Frankly Scarlet, I don’t give a damn.” Darcy huffed at him. “Come on kid, we gotta get out of here.  I’ll make you a better one later,” he said, opening his arms up to her.

“Make it blue,” Darcy said as she walked up to him.

“Not pink?”

Darcy made a face at him.  “Listen here, Sleeping Beauty-”

“Yeah, yeah alright.” Tony said, cutting her off. “Just get over here.”

Stepping close, Darcy wrapped her arms around Tony’s neck and stepped on his feet as he took off with her. 

Normally the noise of the wind sweeping past would have drowned out anything she said, but since Darcy was wearing the coms, Tony could just hear her over the static of the wind. “I’m flying jack! I’m flying!”

“Does that make me king of the world?” Tony quipped.

Before Darcy could answer, Steve cut in. “Can you guys _not_ talk about a movie where the man freezes to death in an ice filled ocean?”

“… Oops.  Sorry Steve.”

They could almost _hear_ Steve pinching the bridge of his nose.  “Just drop her somewhere safe and get back here- we could use the help.”

“Right.”  Tony flew over to a building that was far enough away from the fighting and deposited Darcy on the rooftop.  Making sure she was able to get into the building (he may or may not have broken the roof access door’s lock), Tony flew off to rejoin the fight. 

*

Winter in New York was a magical time. The lights, the sounds, the skating, the holiday flavors at all the coffee shops… It was fun. And delicious. As the holidays inched closer on the calendar, the first snow of the season inched higher on the ground.

Darcy walked into the gym where the team was sparring. “Hey guys! It’s snowing!” She announced happily.   

Clint smirked at her, “Do you wanna build a-”

Both Darcy and Tony turned on him at once. “ _NO_!”

“Jeeze,” Clint chuckled.  “You two should really _let it go_.”

Both Tony and Darcy groaned.  Clint just smirked at them.  “What, no good?  Ok, how about a warm hug?” Clint asked, opening his arms to Darcy.

Darcy rolled her eyes at him.

“Ah, the first snow!” Thor smiled at her. “There are many celebrations in other realms for the occasion that we shall introduce you to! Brace yourselves!” he said happily.

Tony smirked, “Why, is winter coming?”

Hearing the locker room door open, they all looked up just in time to see Bucky walk out and onto the mats. Loki snickered. “It would appear so, yes.”

Bruce untwisted himself from his pose on his yoga mat and looked up at them.  “Hodor?" 

*

Tony sighed in exasperation. The media had been having a field day with the team’s track record of property damage and had been bombarding him with questions about the damages. “Gawd this city is full of obnoxious, overstuffed windbags.  Who do they think they are?  _Of course I know how much in damages we cause_! I’m the one who _pays_ for it when we break things!  But a lot more would get broken if we _didn’t_ go out there!” Tony slumped in his seat and turned off the TV.  “Doesn’t anyone know how to say a simple thank you?” 

Darcy looked up at him from her place in the kitchen. “Yes, actually.”

Tony raised an eyebrow at her, daring her to prove it.

Darcy winked at Steve, who was helping her clean up while they waited for some cookies to bake.  “Just the other day Steve and I were walking when a nice little old lady told him just that.”  Grabbing Steve away from the sink, she pretended to be the older woman and patted his arm as if he had been walking her across the street.  “And do you know what she said, Tony? She looked right at apple pie, himself here, and she said, ‘The moment I wake up- before I put on my makeup.  I say a little prayer for you!”

Tony and Steve both smiled as Darcy went into the chorus, finishing with jazz hands.  She’d insisted on My Best Friend’s Wedding last movie night and had been looking for an excuse to bust into song.  She’d never admit it, but she’d been secretly hoping that they’d all join in. But she wasn’t disappointed. She’d get them to join her yet.

“Where’s the guy wearing lobster claws to accompany you on the piano?” Tony asked.

“Sir, my apologies, but there’s something you should see.” Jarvis turned on the TV to show live news coverage of a large lobster monster rising from the water and coming toward the city.

Tony froze.  “Not what I had in mind.”

*

Darcy was in the kitchen with several members of the team.  It was pudding time for her. Unfortunately, Tony was standing at the counter, leaning his hip against the silverware drawer, eyes on his phone. “Hey Tony, hand me a spoon?”

“There is no spoon, Lewis,” he said without even looking up. 

Darcy rolled her eyes.  “Then hand me a cookie.  It’s chocolate time one way or another.”

“Are they right as rain cookies?” Sam asked, as he slid the plate over to her with a smile. 

“They’d better be, I baked them this morning.” Darcy said, biting into one

“...What are you two talking about?” Steve asked, looking confused. 

“The matrix has you, Steve- oh…” Darcy began before she realized that Steve hadn’t seen those movies yet.

“What?” he asked, tilting his head.

“I’ll bump the trilogy up the list,” Darcy reassured him.

* 

Natasha walked into the labs. “Clinton, Tony, Bruce. Steve is calling- we are needed on the docks.” 

Tony eyed the assassin for any signs of trouble, but of course, it being Natasha, she gave nothing away. “Why, what’s going on?”

Natasha looked like she was weighing her words “…There is a… giant jelly fish in the harbor.”

The three members of the team plus Jane and Darcy all turned to stare at her.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

Natasha stared back.

Tony looked like one of his eyes was twitching. “Doooooooinnnnnnng…” he probed.

Natasha shrugged.  “Nothing, apparently.” 

Clint made a face. “Is it alien or an experiment gone wrong?”

“Unclear.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Why are they sending it to us?”

Natasha shrugged again.  “We handle weird things.  This is weird.”

“Right,” Tony said, looking at Darcy. “Better pull the X-Files folder…”

“Sure thing, Skully,” she said, rolling her eyes at him.

Tony opened his mouth to argue that obviously if anyone was Skully it was her because he was so totally the Mulder to her Skully when he shut his mouth and shrugged.  Yeah, ok, sure why not.  He was ok with being Skully for today. 

While the rest of the team hopped onto com devices, computers, and searched the chatter for any intel on who might be behind this thing, Tony and Thor flew out to observe the giant jelly and do some reconnaissance.  After a while, both of the men came flying back. 

“So,” Darcy said, looking at him. “Did Dogora say it’s from outer space?”

“Didn’t peg you for a Robert Dunham fan, Lewis.”

Darcy shrugged.  “Japanese monster movies are an acquired taste genre.”

Tony shrugged.  It was true.  Godzilla was one thing, but the rest of them were indeed an acquired taste.  Turning to Steve, Tony nodded.  “Yup, it’s a giant jelly fish… it’s the size of a city block. But it’s just sitting there.” Tony reported, looking both confused and slightly bored at the same time.

Determining that the thing wasn’t really a threat (so long as no one tried to swim with it), the team went out to the docks, bringing both Jane (for science!) and Darcy (for… uh, whatever) along.

“Hey big guy!” Darcy called out to the jelly, “Have you seen Nemo?!” Several members of the team groaned.  Darcy rolled her eyes.  Honestly, she was wasted on these people. 

Getting a bit serious, Darcy watched it for a minute as it floated suspended in the water.  “It’s like something out of a Miyazaki film,” she said with a bit of awe.

Tony snickered and gestured to the small yacht he’d outfitted for the (Adventure? Research? Questionable lapse in sanity and judgment?) trip.  “Get in the boat, Ponyo.”

Darcy’s lips pressed together in a thin line as she narrowed her eyes at him.  “Whyyyyyyyyy?”

Thor, who by now was very used to this question, smiled. “For science!” he boomed.

Before Darcy could respond, the jelly moved, causing the yacht to rock rather violently.  “…We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the quote list:
> 
> Reference to Ender’s Game, Kenny Loggins song/Archer, Gone With the Wind, Sleeping Beauty, Titanic
> 
> Frozen, Game of thrones
> 
> My Bestfriend’s Wedding
> 
> The Matrix
> 
> The x-files references, Dogora the Space Monster, Finding Nemo, Ponyo references, Jaws


	4. Chapter 4

Darcy stopped and just stared at Tony.

Tony stared back.  Had he done it?  Had he stumped her? Tony had to tap down the urge to begin giggling with glee.  Sure, it was technically not a movie quote, but they didn’t have any rules and they’d referenced tv shows before.   He saw Darcy’s eye twitch.

“… Was that a _Night Court_ reference?  Seriously?”

Damn, Tony was certain he’d win with that one. 

* 

Tony was in the living room when Clint came out of the kitchen- by way of the breakfast bar.  He’d literally took a running start in the kitchen, jumped onto the counter top and had slid off of it to land in the living room. Tony stared at him. 

“Graduated from the air ducts, Luke Duke?”

Natasha walked in from the kitchen like a normal person.  “TV Land was having a marathon and put Clinton in the mood.”

“Ok, Dukes of Hazzard- enough,” Darcy said coming out from the kitchen, setting a big pot of sauce on the counter. “It’s spaghetti time. Do not blaspheme spaghetti time. Stop messing around with Bo and Daisy and get over here.” 

Natasha raised an eye at her. “ _Daisy_ , really?”

Darcy raised one in response. “What makes you think _you’re_ Daisy?”

Before Tony could protest that given a choice between the two he was definitely Bo Duke and _not_ Daisy, Bucky and Steve came walking in.

“I love spaghetti time.” Bucky said, grabbing a plate.

“I know you do, sugar.” Darcy said, patting him on the cheek.

*

Darcy was sitting in the lab with Jane, nursing a cup of coffee when Tony walked in wearing a red shirt.  Normally Darcy wasn’t one to question other people’s fashion senses.  I mean, come on- she wore big sweaters all the time.  She loved them and they were way comfortable, but it also meant you wouldn’t see her walking the catwalk in Milan anytime soon either.  So she didn’t judge.  But she would have thought he’d know better. 

“Really, Tony?  You wake up every day knowing that there’s a possibility that you’ll have to go into battle and you wear _red_? Has Star Trek taught you _nothing_?”

Tony stopped and looked down at himself like it hadn’t even occurred to him what color his clothing was.  Looking up he shrugged and poured himself a cup of coffee as well. “The suit is red and I’m always fine.”

“The suit is a special titanium alloy _and_ also gold.”

Tony shrugged.

Darcy shook her head.  “It’s like you’re just asking for trouble.”

Tony stopped sipping his coffee, about to respond when a blast shook the building.  Emergency lights and sirens blared as Jarvis began directing people to the nearest panic room. Jane and Bruce had been on the other side of one of the partitions in the lab and were now separated from Tony and Darcy by a heavy blast door.  Bruce would make sure that Jane got to a panic room before running to meet the team. Tony grabbed Darcy and together they ran down the hall.

“Come on, _move it Lewis_!” Tony shouted as another blast shook the building.

“ _Can it, red shirt_!” Darcy shouted back as she all but dove into a panic room Jarvis opened for her.  “And change your shirt before you go!” she called to him before the doors closed.

* 

Party in the USA started blaring from Darcy’s phone. “Hey Steve,” she said, picking it up.

“Hey Darce.  We’re out here by the park and the pretzel guy has those cinnamon ones you like again- want us to grab you one?”

“Yeah! Thanks!” Darcy said, doing a little dance. Those pretzels were delicious.

Suddenly the phone crackled with static and instead of Steve, another voice came through the receiver.  “What’s your favorite scary movie?”

Darcy stopped dancing.  “Get off the phone, Tony.” 

“How did you know it was me?” Tony whined.

“You’re not exactly the terror that flaps in the night, Tony.”  Darcy could almost hear Tony making faces at her.  “I’m hanging up, Tony.  You threw off my groove.”

In the background over Tony, Darcy could hear Jarvis talking.  “Sir,” he said. “Beware the groove.  I would recommend reconnecting her back to Captain Rogers now.”

*

Darcy was stressing out.  Seriously, how had she been saddled with this? Oh, that’s right, Tony. She’d agreed to help with planning the event, but she hadn’t agreed to _plan_ the event!  And Tony- the _ass_!  He wasn’t helping at all!  In fact, he was standing there, smirking at her like this wasn’t his fault.

“Hakuna matata, Lewis,” he said with an easy smile as if that would make everything better. 

Darcy glared at him.  “I live with you, Tony.  There will always be worries.” 

Tony nodded.  “Which is why there will always be scotch!”  He headed toward the liquor cabinet as if it wasn’t only 1pm.

“…That … actually makes sense…” Darcy said with a worried expression as she accepted a drink.

Tony nodded.  “I’m also the reason why the rum is gone.  Though Pepper’s the one who drinks it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote list:
> 
> Night Court
> 
> The Dukes of Hazzard reference
> 
> Star Trek
> 
> Scream, Darkwing Duck, The Emperor’s New Groove
> 
> Lion King, Pirates of the Caribbean


	5. Chapter 5

Darcy woke up shaking and covered in Thor knows what… actually, Thor _did_ know what- it was from some random people eating alien animal he’d managed to track down and kill.  Unable to tell if she was physically ok because of all the adrenaline in her system, Darcy called out to Jarvis.

“Jarvis?  Am I ok?”

Tony looked up from his tablet, already having looked at her vitals and knowing she was fine.  “You live with me, nothing will ever be ok again.”

Pepper rolled her eyes as she coaxed Darcy to sit up and handed her a towel before patting at her hair with some napkins. “Your life is not a movie Tony, quoting yourself doesn’t count in this bizarre competition you have with Darcy.”

*

Tony was fidgeting under Darcy’s harsh gaze. He would not give in. He would _not_ give in.  He would. Not. Give. In. Tony totally gave in. “No. yes.  Maybe.  I don’t know! What do you want?!” he asked as he threw his hands up.

Darcy crossed her arms.  “The truth, Tony.”

Tony raised his index finger to the sky and began to shout, “YOU-”

Darcy raised an eyebrow, cutting him off. “Do not Nicholson me, Kaffee. You know perfectly well that I can handle the truth.  So spill.” 

*

“Here kid, take this,” Tony said urgently, tossing a heavy looking (… ray gun?) weapon at her before running behind her to get into one of his suits. 

It was lighter than it looked though, and Darcy hefted it up taking aim at the doors.  “What is it?!” she asked, trying to figure out if she was pointing it in the right direction or not. 

“Noisy Cricket,” Tony snarked back as the mechanical arms suited him up. 

Darcy rolled her eyes.  Really, Tony?  An MIB reference in the middle of a fucking alien invasion?  “How does it work?!” She shouted over her shoulder. 

“Point and shoot!”

“ _Right_ …” Darcy said, hoping she was pointing it in the right direction.

“Grab a com!” Tony shouted before his face plate snapped into place.

Darcy grabbed an ear piece off of the bench. She was pretty sure it was actually for phones, but she figured Jarvis could probably patch her in. “Jarvis, am I on?”

“Yes, Darcy.” The AI responded.

Tony landed in front of Darcy with a heavy thunk. Straightening, he raised his repulsors toward the door.  “Get down and stay behind me.  You’re second line of defense. If they get past me, blow ‘em up.”

Darcy flipped a lab table.  Stepping behind it she aimed her… _ray gun_.  Honestly, that was never something she thought she’d ever get to say. 

“They seem to be burning through the doors,” Jarvis informed them.  “They should be breaking through in 3… 2… 1… _Incoming_.”

Half way through the fight they were joined by Steve and Bucky who’d managed to fight their way down to give them back up. They were looking like they might be winning when one of the things let out an ear splitting screech. Suddenly more creatures swarmed through the hole and seemed to fill up the lab.  Darcy had switched from second line to cover and was watching backs.  She could still hear Tony flying around overhead and could feel the gusts of air as he wooshed by but her focus was currently on the super soldiers.  Bucky and Steve had been fighting back to back but had gotten separated.  Bucky was holding them at bay with his arm, but Steve had just been knocked down and pinned by an alien sitting on his chest.

“Get away from him, you bitch!” Darcy shouted as she fired.  The alien burst on impact, splattering black goop everywhere.

“Atta girl, Ripley!” Tony’s voice shouted over the coms.

“I have _got_ to me one of _these_!” Darcy shouted as she fired again, covering Steve while he got back up and recovered his shield.

*

Darcy huffed as she wiped sweat off her forehead. “Why are we back in the desert?”

Jane fiddled with the device in her hands, turning a few knobs.  “We need to check the-”

Darcy shook her head.  “Yeah, yeah, _science_! I know, I _know_. But _WHY_ Jane.  _Why_????” She asked as she gestured wildly around her indicating her sweat, the sun, and the sand and dirt for miles.

Tony stepped out from under the pitched shade tent they’d constructed, sunglasses on and gleaming in the desert sun. “At least there aren’t any womp rats… whatever _those_ are.”

Darcy snorted.  “Yes, but I half expect a creepy sand worm to pop up any second now…”

Jane walked past them, beeping device in her hand. “Come on, Tony.”

“Behold, as a wild ass in the desert, go I forth to my work.” Tony quoted.  “We’ll need the equipment ready when we get back, shortcake,” he said to Darcy before following Jane.

Darcy rolled her eyes at him. “Later, Patrick Stewart.”

“Just make it so, Number One,” he said not bothering to look back.

Suddenly realizing that Tony had just volunteered her for work, Darcy waved her hands at him in a Jedi fashion. “I did not say this… I am not here.” 

* 

Sam, Maria, Clint, and Natasha were sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, watching the verbal tennis match before them, eyes flicking back and forth from Tony to Darcy and back again.

“STELLAAAAAA!!!!”

“YO, ADRIENNE!”

“ _Leia_ …”

“Bueller?”

Bucky came in, snagging some popcorn from the bowl, watching on with mild interest. “…What are they doing?”

“One liner sub contest,” Sam said.

“They’ve been at this for the past ten minutes.” Maria answered, respect in her tone.

Clint crunched noisily before explaining, “They’re only allowed to say famous quotes that consist of more or less just a name.”

“Shrek!”

“Fiona!”

“Donkey!”

“Gargamel!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote list:
> 
> Iron Man 3 (HA!)
> 
> A few Good Men
> 
> Men in Black, Alien, Independence Day
> 
> Starwars reference, Dune, Star Trek, Dune 
> 
> A Streetcar Named Desire, Rocky, The Empire Strikes Back, Ferris Bueller’s Day off, Shrek, The Smurfs


	6. Chapter 6

Steve sighed.  It had been a long week.  “Jeeze, everything’s happened so fast, it’s just all a blur… first that chase, then those new weapons, and those flying ships…”

Darcy nodded, and glanced at Jane. “Life is like a hurricane.”

Jane nodded sagely back at her. “Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes…”

Clint snickered, “Seriously, you never know with us- you might solve a mystery or rewrite history.”

“Oo-oo!” Sam sang from his spot on the couch.

Tony quickly swallowed his mouthful of Chinese noodles to add, “Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales!”

Sam helpfully supplied one last, “Oo-oo!”

“I knew it!” Darcy said, pointing at him. “You’re actually Scrooge McDuck, aren’t you?  You totally have a money bin in the basement that you swim in on a regular basis.”

Steve sighed.  He was beyond used to having absolutely no idea what was being talked about.

“More like a dragon snuggling his hoard, maybe.” Pepper laughed.

Darcy gasped, “So the legend is _true_.”

Tony snorted.  “Clint’s never shot me with an arrow.”

Steve sat up with a shout of triumph. “I understood that reference!” 

* 

“ _Holy shit_!” Darcy shouted as her attacker literally exploded into dust Buffy style all over her.  “And _ew ew ew ew ew_!” She freaked out as she shook the dust from her hair and spit it out of her mouth. 

“I fucking hate vampires,” Tony muttered, holding a wooden stake. “We don’t even live in Santa Carla.”

“The tower is being attacked by _vampires_?”  Darcy nearly shrieked, continuing to wave her hand in front of her face to clear the last of the settling dust.

“Genetically modified humans that have developed light sensitivity and a taste for human flesh and blood, actually.” Bruce said, wiping remnants of dust off of his glasses. 

“Right.  Vampires.” Tony confirmed.

Bruce sighed.  “Tony, they’re not actually vampires…” 

“You’re right,” Tony agreed, crossing his arms. “They just happen to explode into dust when you stake them through the heart because they have a _wood allergy_.”

“Most things would die if you staked them through the heart.  If anything, they’re more like the humans in movies infected with a zombie virus- and why do you have wooden stakes, anyway?”

“Then why do they turn to dust, Giles? And because _vampires_.”

Bruce rolled his eyes.  “Tony, you are not the Slayer.  And we are not your side kicks… and I don’t know… wood allergy?”

Tony scoffed.  “Giles wasn’t a side kick! He was Buffy’s Obi-wan!  He was-”

“British.”

Tony put his hands on his hips. “ _Not_ the point!”

Bruce sniffed, noticing a smell. “What’s that smell?”

Tony grinned. “Vampires, my friend, vampires.”

Bruce rolled his eyes so hard Tony thought they might get stuck.  “Tony, you are not Edgar Frog, _either_.”  Huh, who knew Bruce had watched so many vampire related things.

Darcy ignored them and looked at the nearest camera. “Jarvis.  Why didn’t you tell me there were fucking _zombies_?!?!-”

“ _Vampires_.” Tony interrupted.

“-Don’t you _dare_ go all Red Queen on me!” she finished, completely ignoring Tony.

“Forgive me, Darcy.” Jarvis said, not sounding the least bit apologetic.  “I’ve been a bad, bad boy,” he finished cheekily.

Darcy’s eyes bugged out.  “That’s not funny, J.”

Tony gave her a pitying look. “I’m missing you already.”

“Bite me, Buffy.”

“You know,” Tony said, handing her a stake from his bag, “I’m beginning to regret that comparison.  Is it too late to compare myself to Van Helsing instead?”

Darcy snorted.  “Which one?  The guy that looks like Thor’s dad, or that guy that looks a lot like Logan?”

“I’m thinking Peter Cushing.”

This time Bruce snorted.  “You _would_ pick the man to also play Dr. Frankenstein _and_ Sherlock Holmes.”

“Well, I _did_ create life with electricity when I created Jarvis, and I’m also-”

Suddenly two more zombies (“ _Vampires_!”) rounded the corner and ran for them. After a rather frightening struggle the three of them were once more shaking dust off of themselves when Bucky and Steve came running at them down the hall, each holding what looked like a splintered wooden chair leg. 

Bucky was glowering.  “I hate vampires.”

Tony’s eyes lit up in vindication. “ _SEE_?!?!?! _Vampires_.” 

* 

“Hurry it up, Foster!” Tony barked as he and Sam pushed back at the doors, bracing them with their bodies, as the goons in combat gear on the other side nearly broke them open this time.

“ _Patience is a virtue_ ,” Jane hissed at them as she connected wires on the make shift energy cannon she was rigging to hopefully save them from the bad guys (or at the very least, buy them enough time until the others could get there and save them).

“ _Not right now it isn’t!”_ Darcy grunted.  She huffed some more as she struggled to push an oak desk toward the doors by herself.  Tony and Sam both needed to brace the doors and since Jane was busy making their weapon, the job of find-whatever-the-hell-you-can-to-brace-the-doors-with-fast was hers alone. Fortunately, oak desks were heavy and would totally help brace the doors.  Unfortunately, oak desks were heavy and she totally had to move it alone.

“Tony!” Jane nearly wailed.  “I don’t have enough parts-”

“ _Tony_!” Darcy wheezed as she finally managed to push the desk close enough to the doors for Sam to grab it and help her drag it in front.  “Get over there and help her!”

“What do you want _me_ to do?!?”

“You made the first arc reactor from random wires, a car battery, a cabbage, some paperclips, and a wad of bubble gum in a fucking _CAVE_!” She nearly shouted at him as she helped them brace the doors.  “What do you _mean_ what do I want you to do?!?! _Macgyver the shit out of it!_ ”

Tony looked at Jane.  “Got any duct tape?”

Jane held up a silver roll of tape. “You’re singing the song of my people.”

“ _Excellent_ ,” he said, a gleam came into his eyes.  Tony ran to Jane and their soon to be weapon.  The sounds of duct tape being torn filled the room, punctuated with Tony’s chatter.  “Wait,” Tony said, as if something had just come to him. 

Sam and Darcy, who were still trying to brace the doors, looked at him, fearful that he’d just realized something that could potentially kill them.  What came next was anything but.

“I didn’t take you as a Sidney James fan, doctor.”

Sam and Darcy groaned.

Jane rolled her eyes as she helped him solder while he worked.  “There’s lots of things you don’t know about me, Tony.”

Tony tilted his head to the side. “Huh, yeah, I’m thinkin’ so. Well then, carry on,” he said with a nod.

*

“This is going to take _forever_ …” Tony muttered. They were sorting through paper ( _actual paper_!) work files left over from Peggy Carter that he’d discovered his dad had tucked away.

“It won’t be so bad,” Darcy said.

“We could have Jarvis digitize everything, but we’d still have to lay it all out for him to scan,” he said with a huff.

“Probably better if we don’t,” Steve said. “I mean, Jarvis is secure, but if it’s only in hard copy then it can’t exist anywhere else, you know?” Steve may not have grown up with the internet, but he knew that by digitizing it the information could potentially exist no where and everywhere all at once. “No offense, Jarvis,” he added.

“Non taken, Captain,” Jarvis chimed agreeably. After all, Captain Rogers _did_ have a point.

Darcy smiled.  “It’ll go by fast, Tony.  Just whistle while you work.”

Tony snorted.  “Was that a height crack?  Really Lewis, I’m disappointed in you.  And for the record, I’m not short.  I’m compact. And ridiculously adorable.”

Darcy rolled her eyes as she needled him playfully. “Changing the subject, Tony? S’matter?  Don’t you know how to whistle?  Maybe someone else should start first.  Steve, why don’t you help Tony out?” Darcy turned to Steve with a mischievous glint in her eyes.  When would she ever get an opportunity this good again? “You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together and… _blow_.”

Steve snickered.  “Yeah, Slim, I’ve had some practice lately,” he winked.

Bucky started laughing as Steve started whistling the movie’s song ‘How Little We Know’ strong and slow. Steve might not have been a good flirt back before everything, but the man could lay the innuendo on as thick as the best of ‘em these days.  Too much time with Tony, he suspected.  Not that he was complaining.  It’s not like their relationship was a secret in the tower.  And besides, he liked hearing Steve joke like that. It was reassuring for some reason. Not that it was all that far from the truth.  Steve _was_ good at putting his lips together and blowing…

* 

“’ _Come on Lewis, it’ll be fun,’_ he said _. ‘Get out of the tower, come to a fancy gala,’_ he said.”  Darcy mumbled to herself as she set her lips in a mulish pout.  “Jarvis, remind me never to go out with Tony again,” she said into her earing coms that connected her to Jarvis (a gift from Tony after a previous day out had landed her in the medical wing of the tower for weeks).

“Yes Darcy.  Although, I do not think Sir was aware that the gala was a trap.”

“Yeah, I know.  But from now on I’m going to sound like Admiral Ackbar and just shout ‘it’s a trap!’ every time we get an invite somewhere.”

“I doubt anyone will fault you after this. The rest of the team is already en route.  ETA ten minutes.”  The team had been scattered on various missions. Luckily they had finished when Jarvis had sounded the alarm about the night’s events.  Tony had asked Darcy if she wanted to go to a fancy charity ball with him since Pepper was out of town on business.  She was now seriously regretting saying yes. The gala had turned out to be a hoax- just a cover to lure Tony Stark in (which, how did he even manage to _do_ that?  Someone in the events department or who ever was in charge of Tony’s schedule needed to be fired).  But did this madman want to ransom Iron Man? No. Psycho just wanted to make them run a death trap maze. 

Darcy huffed as she ran, her lucky heels in her hands. These heels had been with her through two kidnappings, three explosions, three monster attacks, two super villain escapades, and- …ok, maybe they _weren’t_ so lucky.  But then again, she did always get out of said unlucky incidents unscathed.  So maybe they _were_ lucky! _YES! Lucky heels for the win!_ Clutching her heels a little tighter, she rounded the corner and came to a new hallway to her right.  To her relief, Tony was running towards her from the other end of her hall. 

“That way’s blocked,” Tony called, still running toward her. 

“This way too,” she called back, meeting him at the intersection.   

Both of them turned to the only other hallway before looking at each other and taking off through it.  If Tony’s hallway didn’t lead to freedom, and Darcy’s hallway didn’t either, then freedom must be behind hallway number three, right?

“Jarvis says the team is about ten minutes out,” Darcy told Tony as they ran.  She was busy checking the walls ahead for lasers as they rounded the corner (yes, _lasers_.  The damned super villain that trapped them in this maze of horrors had booby-trapped the halls.  There had been lasers in hers.  Tony smelled a bit of smoke, so his probably had flame-throwers.  They’d have to compare notes later- after they survived) when Tony stopped her with an arm around her waist, nearly tossing her behind him.

“ _Jesus_. _It’s like a demented foreign game show_ …” Tony muttered, as he saved Darcy from nearly running into an open pit of simmering liquid- some sort of acid from the smell of it.

“Yeah, _Running Man_ , maybe,” Darcy snorted.  “Thanks for the save, Iron Dude.”

“Don’t mention it,” Tony said, as they began to skirt around the hole in the floor.  Running down the rest of the hallway, they stopped at the entrance of a large room as something occurred to Tony.  “Speaking of running, have you seen Logan 5?  I’d assumed he was with you.” 

Darcy shook her head as they paused to catch their breath and check for traps.  The last room she’d walked into had a checkerboard floor with evil giant chess pieces that tried to eat her… thus the rip in her dress.  “No, I thought blade runner was with you.” 

“You’re hilarious.  Really.” Logan said flatly, standing in a doorway across the large room.  Darcy had invited (dragged) Logan along for fun (“ _You know, fun? That thing you don’t do anymore?  It misses you Logan.  You’re coming with_.” “ _Can’t make me, darlin’_.” “ _Wanna bet?_ ” Logan owed Darcy fifty bucks.). 

“I know,” Darcy smiled, relieved to see him in one piece.  Though the possibilities of them finding him in one piece were _much_ higher than him finding _them_ in one piece.  Noting the slashes in his dress shirt, Darcy was glad he had super healing.  “What was in _your_ hallway?”

“Lobsters.”

Tony and Darcy both gasped.  “ _Again_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I mentioned Stucky... I probably won't flesh it out. 
> 
> Quotes:
> 
> Ducktales theme song, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, The Avengers (haha)
> 
> Buffy the Vampire Slayer references, The Lost Boys, Resident Evil, references to Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Van Helsing, and Dracula (1958)
> 
> The Mummy, Reference to Macgyver, Carry on at Your Convenience
> 
> Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (Disney 1937), To Have and Have Not (1944)  
> (The line about being compact came from this image here http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx05hmZvSj1qajc4eo1_500.jpg)
> 
> Star Wars, References to Running Man, References to Logan’s Run, Refrences to Blade Runner


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're down to the last chapter of the competition! If you want to see Tony win, go to the next chapter. If you want to see Darcy win, go to Chapter 9.

“…Tony…” Darcy stared at the… uh, whatever it was and the slightly crazed looking engineer/mechanic/billionaire ex-playboy philanthropist zipping around it with a wrench.  “…What are you doing?”

“If I build it they will come,” Tony replied, not bothering to even look at her.  He was busy. Couldn’t she see that?   Couldn’t any of them see that?

“…Uh huh…”  Darcy walked around the workshop, counting coffee cups. 1…2…3… _15_ … (wow, who knew they had that many coffee cups) ok, time for a nap… possibly of the drug induced kind if need be.  Maybe she should go get Steve or Thor.  “Jarvis?  Is it time that Tony got some sleep?”

“Yes, Darcy.  Most definitely.  Sir has not slept in-”

Suddenly Tony was in Darcy’s space. His nose pressed to hers, making her go cross eyed.  “Lewis, listen very carefully.  The temporal displacement will occur in exactly 1 hour and zero seconds!  Everything could go boom if I don’t finish! You got me?”

“Uh huh.  Big bada-boom.  Only you’re not Doc Brown and that’s not a DeLorean.  Marty McFly doesn’t need to go back to the future with your help, but the Avengers might need to fight the current bad guy of the week with yours. So you’re gonna sleep. You get 15 minutes to wrap up and then it’s bedtime, mister.  We green?”

Tony looked like he wanted to argue, but instead narrowed his eyes at her.  “What kind of green?”

“Any kind of green you want.  Emerald green, grass green- _whatever_.”

Tony actually looked satisfied. “Super green.”

* 

Darcy was standing behind the bar in the common room talking to Steve as she mixed herself a Friday night drink when Tony came in.

“ _There_ you are! Come on you two, grab a jacket- we’re going out!”

Darcy looked at Steve and winked. “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, he walks into mine.”

Steve laughed.  He didn’t usually catch all of the references they made, but he liked it when Darcy used films from the 40’s.  He’d seen several when they’d come out, and the popular ones he’d missed, he’d caught up on first.

Tony smirked.  Huh, talk about coincidence.  Coincidence or not, Darcy was not going to out Casablanca him!  He squared his shoulders.

Darcy saw his challenging stance and rolled her eyes. “Where are we going?”

“Out,” Tony replied ‘casually.’ Which, with Tony, meant that he was trying to avoid answering because he knew the reaction wouldn’t be in his favor.

Darcy was used to Tony’s antics by now though. “Uh huh. Sorry Tony, but I’ve got plans,” she said, refusing to play ball with him.

Tony sauntered up to the bar. “You never make plans that far ahead.”

Darcy raised her glass in a salute to him. “Yeah well, tonight I’m a citizen of the world.”

“You’re far from a drunkard, Darce,” Steve said, enjoying the exchange.

“True,” Tony agreed.  “But tonight we could _see_ the world.  Drunk or not is optional.”

Now _Steve_ looked weary.  “…Where are you thinking of taking us, Tony.”

“I want some B’stilla.  I know a great place.  It’s cute, it’s quaint, it’s-”

Darcy cut him off.  If she hadn’t, he’d go all night.  “Jarvis?  Where does Tony want to go?”

“I believe Sir wishes to go to Morocco’s largest city, Casablanca,” came the reply.

Both Darcy and Steve just stared at Tony.

“Nope.”

“Oh come on,” Tony whined.  “it’ll be an adventure!”

“Tony,” she said, “it’ll be Thor knows what time when we land.  Ain’t you going to bed?”

Tony shook his head.  “Not right now.”

Darcy tried again.  “Ain’t you planning on going to bed in the near future?”

“No.”

Steve smiled.  “You ever going to bed?”

“No!”

Just then Clint jumped down from one of the vents. “Well, I ain’t sleepy either,” he smiled. “So, B’stilla, huh?”

Somehow in the end Tony managed to talk almost everyone onto the jet.  Well, he didn’t need to talk Thor on- he was always willing to visit a new place and sample the local culture.  Bucky had expressed an interest in the B’stilla which meant Steve was going, and Sam figured he’d go along for the ride as well because hey, free trip to Morocco and free B’stilla. Clint was all in for the food. Natasha had decided someone needed to keep them all in check.  Bruce was surprisingly easy to rope into going- maybe he really liked B’stilla. Darcy, however, was still not interested in going and was not budging.

“Darcy! Get your snarky ass on that jet,” Tony instructed.

Darcy rolled her eyes.  “I told you Tony, I am not going with you guys on an impromptu trip to crazy-town just because you have a hankering for Thor only knows what kind of food.”

“Darcy, baby, _kid_ \- this isn’t just any hankering.  We’re going to _Morocco_. To _Casablanca_. For _B’stilla_.”

“I don’t care. I’m staying here.”

Alright, that was it.  It was time to pull out the big guns.  Tony grabbed her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. “If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with us, you’ll regret it.  Maybe not today.  Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”

“No, Tony.”

“But what about us?”

“We’ll always have Paris,” she quipped.

 “Fine, be that way,” Tony actually pouted.

“Now, now…” she said as she turned him around and shoed him toward the jet where the others were waiting. “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

*

Darcy and Tony stood in the common room surveying the mess.  They’d partied with Johnny Storm the night before.  Everything had been going great until someone had noticed a spider inching its way down from the ceiling over Johnny and mentioned it.  Johnny had freaked.  Huh, who knew the matchstick was afraid of spiders?  Darcy didn’t like them either, but as much as she might threaten to burn the building down she had enough control to not _actually_ do it.  Storm obviously had no such control.  He’d lit up like a Guy Fawkes effigy so fast both Natasha and Clint had gone diving for safety.  Fortunately everyone was able to get clear of him and the spider that had landed on his head incinerated instantly.  Unfortunately he’d been sitting on the rug, which had not been so lucky as the team to escape the carnage (you know, because rugs don’t have legs).

Tony sighed. “That rug really tied the room together,” he said, looking at the Human Torch shaped butt and leg prints on it.

Darcy had never cared for the rug. “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

*

“I am so done with this!” Tony shouted into the coms as he just started blasting his way through henchmen.

“But it’s a melee, you live for that crap!” Darcy answered from the coms on the jet.

Tony rolled his eyes at her reference. “Damnit Darce, I’m an engineer, not a bodyguard!”  Tony landed by Hawkeye who was just tying up their villain and made up the armed escort at they marched him to the jet.  Tony’s visor went up as they walked up the ramp.  “Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, we get waylaid by jackassery?” he huffed, eyeing the villain of the day.  They were currently late to a meeting at SHIELD (not that he was crying about possibly missing _that_ ).

Darcy rolled her eyes, “On account of the crazy.”

Tony conceded the point.  The city _did_ have a lot of crazy.  “Very true, Lewis. Very true.  Report?”

“Jarvis has been monitoring traffic cams- he says you guys got them all.  The cops have been on bad guy clean up duty and are taking them away by the busload.”

“That’s what I like to hear.  Good job team!”  Tony stuck his arm out as if he were waiting for a high five, only his fingers were in the shape of a V.  Darcy just stared at him.  “Oh come on! Don’t leave me hanging!”

Darcy rolled her eyes, but mimicked his actions, touching his V fingers to her own.  Together they shouted, “GO TEAM VENTURE!”

The tied up villain was looking at them in complete confusion before casting a questioning glance at Clint who shook his head. “…I dunno, they just do that,” he said to the unasked query.

* 

Darcy, Jane, and Tony watched while Clint tried to convince a friend of his to relocate for a while away from the crazy psycho that was apparently after her.  His argument being there was a crazy psycho after her (which, Darcy admitted, was a reasonable argument) and her argument being that she was not giving up her nice, rent controlled apartment (which, Darcy admitted, was a better argument).

Finally, Darcy got an (admittedly not her best) idea. “Ok, what about this! _Time share_!”

Everyone stopped and stared at her. Ok, maybe it was a worse idea than she’d originally thought.

“Hmmmm,” Tony said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders before knocking gently on her head with a fist.  “Not quite ripe yet.” 

Darcy looked appalled.  “Really? Out of the turtle family I’m Michelangelo?”

Tony shrugged. “Who else would you be?”

“Obviously I’m April O’neal,” Darcy said, straightening her beani. 

Tony quirked a brow.  “What makes you say that?”

Darcy pointed at herself.  “Curvy, politically minded, searching for the truth.”

Tony rolled his eyes.  “You just described half the cast of Criminal Minds.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quotes:
> 
> Field of Dreams, Back to the Future, The Fifth Element
> 
> Casablanca
> 
> The Big Lebowski
> 
> The Venture Bros. and Star Trek
> 
> Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze


	8. Tony wins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is Tony's win. I don't know what movie she didn't know though.

When she didn’t answer, Tony looked up at her. She was standing there staring at him blankly.

“…Did… I just… _stump_ you?”

Darcy made a face.  “I’ve never actually seen any of those movies…”

Tony actually dropped his wrench in shock.   “Jarvis,” he said, recovering after a few moments of open-mouthed staring.  “Initiate code Silver Screen.”

“Very good, sir.”

Darcy stared at him in disbelief. “… You actually have a code for in case you finally stumped me?”

Tony wiped his hands on a rag before reaching for her shoulders and turning her to march her out of the workshop. “Actually, it’s for Rogers, for when his lack of cinema knowledge is so heinous I have to drop everything to catch him up immediately.  But right now I’m using it for you.  This is serious and I can’t let you live another day in my presence without having seen these, so march, Lewis.”


	9. Darcy wins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Darcy's win.

Darcy choked on her cookie.  Like seriously cookie-lodged-in-throat choked. Tony ran over to her and bent her forward at the waist before smacking her hard on the back, dislodging the murderous treat.  Darcy nodded and waved him off signaling she was ok and thanked him with watery eyes in a raspy whisper. Nodding, Tony handed her a glass of water before crossing his arms and watching her drink.

When she’d finally regained her breath, Darcy looked at him.  “What do you _mean_ you’ve never seen that?”

Tony shrugged. 

“Jarvis.”  Darcy said.

“Yes, Darcy?”

“Cancel his meetings.  Tony’s got a movie to watch.”

“Very good, Darcy.”


	10. Back to Normal

The days after the quote competition finally ended were quiet. If the others were being honest, they rather missed the competition. Everything just seemed too quiet. Not that either Tony or Darcy were ever really _quiet._ Tony and Darcy still snarked at each other, of course, but they didn't go out of their ways to quote things.  At least, that's how things started.  Clint would never say so, but he saw the way Natasha's lips quirked upward for a second when they heard Darcy and Tony quoting Stand By Me from down the hallway.  Clint was glad things were back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOO! It's done! I normally don't do chapter fics but this one just had to be broken down- it was just too long with the references. This way it's easier to refer to! There were so many more that I could have used, but I've been working on this one for a while now and just had to be done with it! 
> 
> Oh, by the way, I saw Age of Ultron and I am SO not going there with Darcy. Nope. Just not happening.

**Author's Note:**

> HA! Thanks for reading, this was fun!


End file.
